I'm Done

      I don't know how they managed it or what's changed but they broke me.  They wore me down, and wore me down, and worn me down and finally, I've got nothing left.
     I can't take any more calls from stupid people who can't figure out which end of a phone is up, or how those bright shiny lights on the screen make the internets go.
     I can't take anymore calls from entitled assholes who bought a brand new phone on a two year contract  less than one year ago and are now demanding they get another brand new phone for free.
     I can't take any more calls from hypocritical dicks who adamantly refused to "buy into that insurance scam" on the $800 investment that was their phone before they smashed it to pieces and now think they should get a new one for free because we 'owe' them.  Oh and let's not forget on those last two how the phone they had "never worked well from day one" although this is the first time they've bothered mentioning it, coincidentally.  Yeah, our conversation so far definitely says to me "this is a extremely patient person who would put up with a barely functioning phone for nearly a year to avoid putting anyone to any bother."
     I can't take any more calls from wildly irresponsible douchebags who only just now realized when their service was turned off that maybe it's time to find out why that bill didn't show up.  Oh and now we need to give them back all their late fees and reconnection fees because it's not their fault that they didn't realize they had been getting phone service for the last few months but no bill was showing up.
     Heaven help the next person I talk to that has a phone with "broken" internet because little Shithead, Jr. would never lie to his mom and dad about spending hours watching YouTube even though the bill, the website, the system, and the phone itself all say he was.  No, it's a conspiracy to make little Jr look bad because he's always on wifi and never watches videos on his phone.  After all, an automated system is much more likely to lie than any teenager, especially when that teenager might get in trouble.
     I'm tired of having to go back and fix someone else's mess because they don't want the negative impact to their stats that actually fixing the problem would cause.  No, let's just tell the customer we're fixing it and hang up.
     I'm tired of blatant lies being told just to close a sale to the point of no return for the customer.  Then the next poor sap that actually wants to do his job right can clean up an even worse mess later and have all of his stats look bad.
     What?  Disciplinary action?  Ha!  Everyone knows that as long as you can lie well enough to customers about what you're doing for them or selling to them to make them temporarily happy and satisfied, that's all that matters.  The stupid asshole down the line that has to eat this shit sandwich I'm making can deal with actual consequences of these actions and still end up getting a bad survey, even though he spends better than two hours and hundreds of dollars in credits fixing everything, because now the customer is just pissed at the company.

     I'm tired of getting up and going to work in the morning feeling the same as contemplating my own mortality.  I sit in the same spot and feel the seconds, minutes, hours, and days slipping away from me while people who have be reckless, irresponsible, or downright stupid tell me I don't know what I'm talking about and that I need to be bending over backwards to fix their idiocy.  I have nothing to show for the work I'm doing.  There are no accolades for actually doing the right thing, only an occasional courtesy nod for doing what is to be expected even though I could make a list hundreds strong of those who don't and apparently suffer nothing for it.  Nothing is built or created because of me that might last after I'm gone.  I mean that immediately and literally.  At the end of my work day there isn't a single thing I can point to that is there because of me or was accomplished because of me.
     Occasionally I restore someone's faith in humanity, but that's never the important person.  The important person is the angry one who painted themselves into a corner and wants to lash out at me when I tell them they either have to smudge and repaint or wait until it dries.  It feels like I'm going nowhere while I see options and opportunities opening up for everyone around me.  I've spent the last few days hating everyone I've talked with.  It's beginning to look like it's a race between me not being able to stand the job so bad I walk out, or me being escorted out as my attitude degenerates to the point where I'm not even doing the job any more.

How to Blame Others For Your Mess

Or

A Crash Course in Upper Managment

     I don't want years of crushing responsibility.  My goal is to get to a mid to low level position I enjoy, then retire from there.  Apparently in this wonderful corporate culture, what I really mean is "I don't want my career to advance and I want to be stuck in the same spot until I quit," despite there being a huge breadth of positions that would afford me an opportunity to increase my experience, and also wouldn't require a drive to be in upper management in order for me to be good at them.  Apparently, as another part of this culture, we are to be penalized if we can't force a laughably broken software tool to work better than the one it's replacing.
     We were told, in so many words, that if we can't use this tool more, and make it work better than the previous tool despite empirical data directly contradicting that it even can, we may start losing our bonuses and other benefits as punishment.  It was also explicitly stated that the only people who are at risk of losing said bonus are the ones who use the new software, not the ones responsible for designing and implementing it.  This is of course despite the fact that the implementation and design team (especially the upper management pushing this through) could most likely cover a year's salary for the end users with JUST their bonuses.
     I have no doubt the reason for this is that somebody high up sank a large chunk of money into the project of creating this new tool, and either falsified or (more likely) conducted flawed analysis of the initial data that determined the tool is going to improve things, and now can't afford to admit the giant boondoggle that company money was sunk into is a failure. (I say inaccurately interpreted results is more likely because you should never attribute to malice something more easily explained by incompetence.)  Clearly the only thing stopping this new software tool from fixing all the company's problems is those ungrateful employees who are the ones stuck using it multiple times a day and keep complaining that it's broken!  We need to threaten and punish them for not making it work like its supposed to instead of actually worrying about fixing it or going back to the previously working system, because obvious flaws in functionality and coding are clearly the result of end users not trying hard enough!
     Now I see where they are trying to go with the new tool.  I even agree with the reasoning behind the way said tool works.  However, here's a tip from a former software programmer: if you are introducing a new piece of software that will take over functionality of an older one entirely with no options to access any of the previously available and absolutely crucial functions except through the new interface, and you don't provide someone with a way to override or circumvent it when it goes live, you screwed up, because it's going to and there needs to be a way to fix it when it does.
     You might respond by pointing out that Apple did the same thing recently, to which I reply,
"Yes, and that was a colossal screw up.  More over, Apple didn't immediately force everyone on to it, and once the problem occurred, released a fix for it in less than 30 days.  Two in fact.  This problem was a top priority for them.  The huge waste of cash YOU put out has existed for more than 120 without anything more than a cosmetic patch despite numerous and well know issues."

Is it too much to ask to work somewhere I'm not constantly being punished for, and having to clean up, someone else's messes?

Loyalty

     Loyalty.  People like to throw that word around a lot in relation to a business/customer relationship.  Today, I'd like to go over exactly what that is, because in my experience, it seems like a lot of people are unclear on the whole concept.  Let's get started!

     Let's say Angelique owns a business selling home improvement materials.  Angelique knows two people, Barry and Carlos.  Carlos is a long time friend of hers who normally pays someone else to do home repair for him.  Barry, on the other hand, owns a contracting firm that buys all of its materials almost exclusively from Angelique's business, and has for several years.  Angelique buys shingles from her supplier for 50¢ a piece and sells them for $1 a piece.  Our scenario opens when Barry and Carlos both come in one day and need a few packs of shingles after a big storm came through.
     Barry is trying to quickly finish a roof on a house he's building before more rain starts later in the day.  A large patch of the roof of the house under construction were lost during the storm and if he doesn't get the hole patched, its going to cause more damage.  He's running close to budget on the project and didn't count on having to double buy shingles.  Additionally, if he doesn't get the hole patched, he'll have to sink more money and time repairing the extra damage caused.  Carlos is in a similar boat.  He also has a patch of missing shingles and doesn't have time to wait for his repairman to come fix it before the rain comes through later that day.  Because of their loyalty she sells the shingles to both Barry and Carlos for 25¢ a piece.
     Barry is getting business loyalty.  Angelique can't possibly always sell him shingles for 25¢ a piece.  Completely aside from any expenses she incurs from running the business itself, she is paying 25¢ more per shingle than she is charging.  It is literally costing her a dollar for every 4 shingles she sells at that price.  The special price Angelique is giving Barry is a one time exception because she knows he has spent a lot of money with her before and will spend a lot of money with her again, especially if Barry knows this business will take care of him as a loyal customer.  This one time her business can afford to take a loss because it is relatively small and will result in a profit in the long run.  If Barry later said that he's willing to buy shingles for an entire housing development as long as he can get them at the 25¢ price, she would never agree.  No matter how much Barry buys from her, how long he keeps coming back to buy it, or how much total money he spends with her, she still loses money overall.
     Carlos, however, has never shopped there before and, barring another set of exceptional circumstances, will likely never shop there again.  He also got a special rate, but because of personal loyalty.  Angelique is unlikely to ever make money, even in the long run, from giving Carlos this discount, but she's doing it anyway as a favor to a friend.  The discount she offered him was the same as her simply paying for part of his purchase.  She gave him the discount because they're friends, not because he is, or could become, a loyal customer.

     In this example, Barry gets a special discount because this isn't his first time shopping with Angelique and she knows her business has made money off of him.  This also means Angelique needs to have a reasonable expectation that her business will continue making a profit by selling to Barry after this transaction.  If Barry was (for example) a contractor working for the state, and as part of the terms of her business license Angelique was required to always sell supplies to state contractors at no more than cost, she would have no incentive to give him special deals.  Even if Barry were to do absolutely all his shopping with Angelique, she would make more money off of a customer who bought a single hammer with no discount than on Barry's purchase of 10,000 shingles to reroof city hall.

     A lot of people seem to misunderstand the basic concept of how that kind of loyalty works when dealing with businesses they patronize.  People will request special treatment from a business to thank them for their loyalty, when their loyalty consists of coming in and bullying the staff once a week with coupons and threats of lawsuits until they receive a product below cost.  If a customer is not generating a profit, then in the eyes of the business, they aren't loyal.

     "That's just like those cold, calculating corporations today!  They don't care about people!" you might respond.  Well I will concede the point that the corporations are evil as soon as you can point to a service or product you buy where you knowingly and deliberately spend more than you need to.  I'm not talking about when you go to a local butcher to get higher quality meat and a wider variety of cuts than your local mega mart.  You're spending more there for a better product.  Have you ever driven to  a gas station that is more expensive just because you've shopped there for a long time?  If a home internet provider proved to you they offered the exact same everything your current one did for $50 less a month, and your current provider told you they weren't able to match that, how many of you would stay just out of "loyalty"?

     Now there are certainly parasitic companies out there that try to squeeze every available cent out of consumers, but the best companies and the best long term business strategies are symbiotic.  The concept of loyalty, and rewards for it, are supposed to be mutually beneficial, just like the original business transaction.  I cruise with Carnival because the more I cruise with them, the more free extras I get.  They keep giving me better deals because they know I'll keep spending money with them, and I keep spending money with them because I know I'll keep getting better deals.  Everybody wins, and that's the point of loyalty.